He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
