i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
