Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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