wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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