My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you never un-have a 4some
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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