I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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