she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
