I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
