i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
