I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
