I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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