ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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