Michael Bay diarrhea
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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