party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
