ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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