she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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