you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't deserve a penis
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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