its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
