fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
