you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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