I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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