you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
