They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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