i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
