You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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