Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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