I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
