yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
