Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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