shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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