Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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