i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
