I'm drive I can fine osifer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
