dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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