Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
