By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
