That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
