I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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