if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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