dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Congratulations! We have a period
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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