drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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