Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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