I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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