cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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