I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
