I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
