Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
