You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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