He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
