What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
