which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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